I recently quit my job. Not just any job, but a career with an organization that I had been with for nearly 10 years. I loved what I did. I even loved my boss. I didn’t leave for lack of supervisor support or because I hated what I did. My decision to quit was entirely about self-care. That is all a long story for another post though.
For now, I get to start over. I’m staring at a blank page. For the first time in a decade, I have an entirely clean slate ahead of me. I can do whatever I want.
I’m overwhelmingly excited. I’m also incredibly terrified.
Yes, the possibilities are endless – but that also includes the possibility of failure. I’m notorious for not being able to make a decision. I can hardly decide what it is I want to eat for dinner much less what exactly it is that I want to do with the next step of my life. I am always looking for someone else to tell me what to do or to give me permission to do something. (That’s definitely one of my character flaws…)
I am lucky enough to have a partner who is astonishingly supportive of my current lack of direction. My boyfriend and I have gone back and forth about what we want the next step of life to look like. His openness to just about anything I can come up with means that I really can dream big.
I do not have to continue to do anything that I am not sure is right for me. I can be more creative, more imaginative, and more open to the possibilities in my life. I can focus on writing, or become a yoga instructor. I can become a barista at the local coffee shop because I just love coffee. The point is, I do not have to stay in the same professional box that I have somehow found myself in.
I do not even have to stay in the same place I have been. Sure I have a life here in Indiana but that doesn’t mean that Indiana is all my life has to be. We can sell the house, pack up our belongings and try out this whole life thing someplace else. We love Nevada and Arizona and have long discussed the idea of moving out west. Perhaps now is the time.
Of course, there is so much to consider with any choice that I make. That is one of the downfalls of adulthood, isn’t it? No matter how free you are, there are still consequences to most of your actions and the ripples will likely impact far more than just yourself.
How will this impact my parents? They are aging and I know that their dependence on me will only grow as the years go on. Can I be a support system for them from 2000 miles away?
What will my friends think? Do I even really care what they think? Should I?
Am I really up for the task of moving my life around? It’s a big change, and change is hard. Plus, it’s a whole lot of work. Am I really up for the commitment?
I’m not sure I have the answers to any of this right now. I just know that I’m looking forward to the process of figuring it all out.